Life as a Personal Aide: Out & About

Here's what happens when the personal aide and the person she's aiding are bleary with overwork and nauseated with exhaustion: they get giddy.

We get giddy. We are giddy.

I'd say we're slap happy except Ruth doesn't have either the energy or dexterity to slap anyone and I've promised her I won't. On Monday. When I'll want to slap a lot of people.

Since we cannot get Ruth's power chair to where she needs to be, she'll be using her manual chair. One problem: she can't wheel it any more without generating a lot of pain and exhaustion. This means I have to push her in it, which I really don't mind but she does for a slew of reasons that I completely understand.

What can we do about this situation other than get pissed, get over it, and talk about what I might wear?

"How about a nurse's uniform, with a cap and a cape and white shoes and stockings?"
"No."

"How about I buy an aide's uniform with a smocked top -- teddy bears if I can't find kitties.""No."
It was time for me to get creative, so I made tomorrow's lunch and then washed some dishes and then scooped Buddy's poop and then finished putting away the Peapod order and then put away laundry and then rearranged the freezer and then loosened all the caps on the bottled water and then bagged some trash.

Being a kinesthetic learner, I knew activity would generate some great ideas and indeed it did.

"How about I rent a foam cervical collar..."
"For me?"
"No, not for you. For me."
We'll be thinking about this strategy over the weekend. My next suggestion will be crutches. No, not for her. For me.

More Cool Tools & Widgets

At some point I'll write about bouncing from the 1st to the 21st centuries throughout the day. What's with the 1st century? I'm writing about it in my "engaging good humored" way for my next book about the Jewish roots of almost everything Christian. Quite the challenge on many levels, including internally for yours truly. But that's not what this post is about.

This post is about my 21st century adventures. Now that I'm on Twitter and following thought leaders and trend setters in the world of social media, I'm getting access to some very cool stuff. Here are two items you might want to use.

Stop watch: A fabulous and very cute but not cutesy count up and count down meter. I have it on my desktop screen, sized down to nearly unobtrusive, and set to manage my time at the computer. A bell rings when the time runs out. I reset it and keep going. Since I write/break in 45/15 minute rotations, this is very handy and keeps me on task.

Random Bible Verse: Take a look at my blog's sidebar. See the Scripture snippet? This widget was developed by Jason DelGuidice as SacredMint.com. Hit the "refresh" a bunch of times to see how it rotates verses. Now, go get the code and put it on your blog or website.

Not only may you choose among designs, but also from among 16 translations. As you can see, I've chosen the NIV translation. I have my reasons. In fact, I devote an entire chapter of my new book to explaining ways of reading Scripture as well as wassup with different translations. (I do this without using the word, "hermeneutic.")

As for that sign of peace thing...

In addition to coming up with 72 different possibilities for closing the Mass, those attending the 2005 Synod of Bishops on the Eucharist had other important things to discuss -- like the timing and reach of the sign of peace. The Pope asked them to contemplate the former; the bishops extended their inquiry to include the latter.

As reported at Whispers in the Loggia:

"Cardinal Arinze said that in addition to its timing some have suggested that the sign of peace be limited to an exchange between the Massgoer and those in his or her immediate vicinity. He said that in some churches today, the sign of peace is extended to the point that it becomes 'almost a jamboree.'"

Clearly, the bishops haven't attended many Jewish synagogue services in general or ones that are even more exuberant expressions of community. (Simchat Torah comes to mind. ) I'm doing a lot of reading about first century Jewish-Christians for my next book and do not believe that either Jesus of Nazareth or Jesus the Christ envisioned his Body as represented by stiffs.

The Mass is ended, now...

Even though I've recently contemplated changing my blogger handle to "Cranky Catholic," I'm grateful for my chosen faith (Christianity) and much of the religious practice thereof in Roman Catholicism. Today, I'm grateful for the latest blog fodder I retrieved from Whispers in the Loggia.

Since 2005, there have been discussions about new options for the final words of the Mass. Frankly, I was always charmed and moved by "Ite, missa est," translated as, "The Mass is ended, go in peace." Apparently, many attending the 2005 Synod of Bishops on the Eucharist thought Catholics were hearing, "go and rest." Like that would be a bad thing in these times of multi-tasking and God-doesn't-even-know-what on Sundays.

Because many of the bishops wanted to make the church's evangelization mission more clear, here are the new options for dismissal, chosen by the Holy Father:

-- "Ite ad Evangelium Domini annuntiandum" (Go and announce the Gospel of the Lord).

-- "Ite in pace, glorificando vita vestra Dominum" (Go in peace, glorifying the Lord by your life).

-- "Ite in pace" (Go in peace).

You know what's coming next, right? My suggestions (in English):

-- Go in peace and don't run over anyone in the parking lot.

-- Go and reveal Christ by actually behaving like a decent human being.

And your suggestions would be? (Use the comment box below!)

Book Review: Hear My Voice (Children's Lectionary)

Hear My Voice: A Children's Translation of Gospel Readings of the Catholic Mass for 2009
123 p. 8.5" square
Hardcover: $18.95
Review pages at Prayer Press

A pre-publication copy of this marvelous book arrived over the weekend. Author Jonathan Stampf and illustrator Robert Conrad deserve glory, honor and praise for their fine contribution to liturgical resources.

Hear My Voice has everything I look for -- and hope others do, too. First, it's a gorgeous book, beautifully designed and illustrated in a user-friendly trim size. The full-color illustrations are charming without being mawkish. In fact, they abound with historically accurate details of buildings, clothing, terrain, and food. The colors are vibrant and sophisticated; no visual dumbing down with primary colors!

And the content? My guess is that parents will get as much out of reading this as kids. In fact, any adult could benefit from reading how Stampf interprets the Lectionary readings (included in a sidebar). He uses colloquial language without devolving into slang. Be very grateful: You won't find Jesus addressing the Apostles as "dudes." You'll find smart, vocabulary-building text that will benefit readers of all ages.

The best part: this finely nuanced text places Stampf well within the ancient Jewish tradition of Midrash, something Jesus himself would have known, appreciated, and probably used when he wasn't speaking in parables.

Hear My Voice will be available this November. Start the new liturgical year right by ordering it now! Also available through the Catholic Company.

5 Days of Tweets and Still All A-Twitter

Five days into trying twitter and I'm even more smitten.

It abounds with possibilities for business, although an entire generation of sales and marketing folks may have to retire before twittering becomes standard operating procedure in that sector. But perhaps with smarties like Chris Brogan and his colleagues at CrossTech Media championing new media tools for business development, change will happen sooner rather than later. That's my hope.

Moving right along.

On Wednesday, I twittered with a group watching the presidential debate. Very handy to be a sociologist! I was able to read, analyze, and sort the flow into categories pretty quickly. Quickly? Understatement. This is a very fast medium. That experience got me thinking about how conference or meeting-based twittering would need to include training about how to get and stay focused.

What does this have to do with church and building community? I'll get to that in another post.

Here, I'll note that I installed TweetDeck to organize my tweeps into categories. Tweeps = people using twitter. I'm following 49 folks involved with new media, or church communications, or ministry. I also added to my list folks who self-identify as sociologists.

How many people are following me? By today: 20. Ruth, who started twittering within 12 hours of me, has 33 tweeps following her. "It's because I'm a gimp," she says. She thinks her disabilities rights knowledge and activism is generating a following for her micro-blogging. Her aide wants to see if it generates any hands-on assistance.

Blog Action Day: Poverty 2008

These verses from St. Paul's Letter to the Philippians have been on my mind and heart since hearing them during last Sunday's Mass, especially given what's been going on in the global economy:

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:12-13, NIV)

I'm not claiming that prayer will solve poverty or that anyone unfortunate enough to be hungry and homeless has time or energy for lectio divina. And maybe this is not what organizers of Blog Action Day had in mind for posts. Still, I have to say these words have served to sustain me through bleak financial times over the years, helping me to walk by faith and not by fright.

All a-Twitter about Technology

Picture this: I'm speeding up the learning curve while sliding down the slippery slope of new media. First, blogging. Next, LinkedIn, the business networking site. What could possibly be next?

What's next for me is twitter. Up until ~ 36 hours ago, I would've rolled my eyes and groaned if you asked me about Twitter. I would've said, "The kids today have way too much time on their thumbs."

Now, I'm seeing amazing possibilities and uses for this social media tool that provides 140 characters to answer the simple question, "What are you doing?" The answer is posted and then a universe of possibility opens up. While my brain is looking at the value of twitter for marketing and promotion, my heart is seeing the possibilities for building a virtual community for people of faith.

For one thing, all that unpleasant whining by church leadership about not being able to reach youth? It could all disappear "in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye" before the last trumpet sounds and the dead are "raised imperishable" (1 Co 15:52).

I have friends who leave what we call "Holy Spirit Moment" messages on my various phone answering devices. I'd certainly love to see one of these notes pop up on my computer screen as a tweet, especially during a stressful day.

Lots of possibilities and I'm sure more will become manifest as I become more conversant with this technology. Check it out, let me know when you sign up and perhaps we can tweet one another into greater consciousness about being here to love and serve You Know Who and one another.

I'm twittering at: http://www.twitter.com/MeredithGould


h/t to Publicity Hound, Joan Stewart for a great teleseminar featuring Warren Whitlock, co-author of The Twitter Handbook.

Life as a Personal Aide: Job Training?

During the five years that I've been Ruth's personal aide, I've received increasingly demanding letters to attend job training.

Since I already know how to construct a sandwich that's ADA accessible, I've ignored these invitations. Also, I just wouldn't feel right about collecting my $8.51/hr. for simply sitting around when I have (Ruth's) laundry, food prep, cleaning, paperwork, bill paying, and other stuff to do. Once, I asked a supervisor what would happen if I never went. "You'd be noted in our records as non-compliant," she said, never realizing that I'd flush with pride rather than fear.

I could teach that training. In fact, I should teach that training. More specifically, I'd like to teach about how essential it is for any personal aide to disappear self and let Self emerge. For the Christians (and Buddhists) in attendance, I'd explain that being an aide provides excellent (and abundant) opportunities to practice that "die to self" thing.

I'd explain how we're there to do what the person we're assisting needs. If we're really good at our jobs, we figure out what they need before they do. We should provide assistance seamlessly, without complaining, without making it about us and our needs.

For example, a good aide would never starting weeping on the phone about something that neither she nor the person she's assisting can apparently do anything about -- like getting reliable back-up help if the aide is sick or safe, reliable transportation to something that could, in fact, be handled by teleconferencing.

Mutual positive regard must emerge. Ruth and I have developed this over the years. We respect each other tremendously, which is why I called Ruth to apologize for this morning's mini-meltdown. Imagine my shock and dismay to hear her say, "Well, you're only human."

An Author's Life: Nourishment (V)

You might not think that sitting in front of a computer screen is hard, hunger-generating work but it's all that and more.

For me, book writing generates a snack-a-thon of major proportions and so for this latest endeavor, I've been fixated on three major food groups: salty, crunchy, and carbonated.

When I worked in and wrote for the holistic health industry, I learned to appreciate the body's wisdom. I learned to honor food cravings. So what if I'm craving salami, Cheez Doodles, and Diet Cream Soda instead tofu, carrots, and kuchika tea? Craving = body wisdom.

Now I'll admit to feeling a wee bit guilty, not to mention bloated, but the writing has been going relatively well -- considering it's book writing -- and I don't want to mess with that by switching to leafy greens and lean meat.

Plus, I'm observing portion control by getting small bags of the Doodles. The label on the cream soda explains that it has "no nutritional value" which, as far as I am concerned, means it's benign. Gornish mit gornish, so to speak. The salami? What can I say? I'm writing about how Christians need to be more educated about Judaism's legacy.

Pathetic? I'll be sorry? You'd think so. But I had blood work done two days ago and someone from my doctor's office called to say, "Your blood work looks great! Your cholesterol is very low!! Keep doing what you're doing!!!"

I know. I hate me, too.

Seeing Christ in everyone, maybe...

I can explain the loud explosion followed by the sound of a moist splat this morning at approximately 11:00 AM Eastern Time. That was the sound of my brain exploding out of my skull when I read what John L. Allen reported from the Synod of Bishops in Rome.

The pressure started to build as I read Bishop Salvatore Fisichella's comments about Christianity being a "religion of the Word" as opposed to a "religion of the Book." And then, instead of switching screens to feed my virtual goldfish, I kept reading down to the very last bullet point wherein Bishop Filippo Santoro of Brazil is reported as having raised the "issue" of Extraordinary Ministers of the Eucharist. Here's what he has to say about us:

"by themselves, and in themselves, [they] do not arouse an encounter with Christ, [but rather] can end up exacerbating the bureaucratization of the church."

Oh really? So much for seeing Christ in one another. I guess this means holding and distributing the Eucharist doesn't count either. Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison.

Blessing? of the Animals

Cats.

Today is the Feast Day of St. Francis of Assisi.

This should be enough information but do indulge me as I fill in a few details.

So I wouldn't forget this is their favorite celebration of the sanctoral cycle, the cats began their Feast Day of St. Francis by honking up hairballs. These were carefully splattered onto the carpeted floor outside my bedroom. I, being wise to the way cats celebrate, managed to avoid starting my day with the distinctive tactile sensation of hairballs squishing against bare feet.

Let me assure you that I was not singing any Franciscan canticles while I was blotting everything up with paper towels. Yes, paper towels. Adding poor stewardship of God's creation to the mix. I'll need to recuperate a bit before they get anything that looks like a formal blessing (see: Ironic Catholic for how to bless cats).

As for their special annual feast day meal of wet food, that's on hold too. I want to see if this morning's dry food stays down. Their throats.

(Itty Bit is the Great White Way, Thelma is the Striped One, and Louise the Calico is exempt from the gallery above because she's not the culprit.)

Feast of the Guardian Angels

I could not let the day end without commenting on today's celebration, the Feast of the Guardian Angels.

During the 4th century, St. Basil declared, "That there is an angel for each one of the faithful no one will contradict." Since this feast day didn't make it onto the Church calendar until the 17th century, apparently a critical mass [so to speak] of faithful had their doubts. Perhaps they presciently envisioned the future schlock concocted by greeting card and figurine artistes?

Back in 2006, I was asked to weigh in on the [very weird if you ask me and someone did] practice of having children give their guardian angels names. Here's the unedited version of what I wrote in that Faith & Family Magazine column:

"I'd suggest not encouraging kids to concoct names for their guardian angels. Guardian angels are not our pets. It's way more likely that we are theirs. Anyway, their guardian angels probably already have names that might be discerned, perhaps while running a very high fever or at some point during eternal life."

The part about "running a very high fever" was edited out before publication.