Thanks to Twitter, I recently stumbled upon Thom Turner's (@EverydayLiturgy) post, Restlessness is Godliness. Reading his post helped me name what I'm feeling these days.
Whoo-hoo self-discovery! Turns out that underneath my disappointment, manifested as disgust with the institutional Church (Roman Catholic version), is a deeper restlessness that has nearly stopped me from moving forward with anything.
At this age and stage of my life, moving forward is deeply grooved into my way of being as well as doing. I'll be curious to see if that changes after I'm released from Earth Duty.
I know that my current restlessness has to do with impending changes, or at least adjustments to identity and purpose. And I know that God has a plan. It's the waiting that's so killer, even though I also know that waiting is, in and of itself, a spiritual practice.
Meanwhile, I'm finding comfort in this reminder:
"Our heart is restless until it finds its rest in You . . ."
Saint Augustine of Hippo