Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Wedding: The Two Apartment Solution

One of the FAQs I receive these days: "Will you be moving someplace else after you get married?" How I answer depends on who asks the question, but in a word, the answer is "no."

By the good humor of Almighty God, last year I managed to choose an apartment in a building right across the street from RevWeb's. Can't make this stuff up. Since the entire apartment procurement transaction took place online, I didn't realize this fine location until I showed up to sign the lease and pick up keys.

Fast forward many months and my across-the-hall neighbor moves out. Dan's lease is due for renewal. You know where this is going, right? 

Dan now lives across the hall, one thing that will remain blessedly unchanged after our wedding. Not only does this happen to be a surprisingly frugal arrangement, but it also serves our need for solitude and private contemplative time.  

All piety aside, separate apartments makes it easier for us to tolerate each other's behavioral quirks like my penchant for working between 11:00 PM and 3:00 AM, my visceral dislike for televised news and sports, my cleaning fits.  Dan works so-called normal hours and is a newshound.

I make no claim to coming up with this idea on my own. 

During the 1970s, I read an article written in 1923 by socialist feminist, Crystal Eastman titled, "Marriage Under Two Roofs." In it, Eastman describes how her crumbling marriage was restored to wholeness after her husband moved to an apartment. Made sense to me; even more so years later after trying the traditional option, which always ended up feeling like a hostage situation.

Married friends (female and male; young and old) laud me as a genius. Only my sister-by-choice Sharon has some concerns, "I hope this doesn't catch on, you'll put us out of business." She's a divorce attorney.

6 comments:

Fran said...

Someone would think that something is wrong with such wisdom?

Brilliant, I say!

Your apartment building as monastery; it sounds perfect!

Elizabeth said...

The Almighty can be quite real estate genius!

Sharon Grosfeld said...

Divorce attorneys must unite against this heresy.

Margie... said...

You are so right!! My husband basically lives in the basement. He has his own bedroom, his own living room, his own bathroom and his own closet for all his clothes. We still do things together like eat dinner, but afterwards he goes down to his "man cave" and I stay upstairs and do what I do. It's worked like a charm for all our married life! And we have 4 kids and 6 grandchildren!!! (and he even does his own laundry)

Angela Santana said...

That's very interesting. I don't think I'd be able to live separately from my husband...mind you, not with him 24/7, but still. Well, I've read there've been married couples who lived in a similar arrangement to yours and are now canonized saints!

Anonymous said...

Great idea! I also have two boys, both about to enter the tween ages. With this model in mind, I'd love to get them a separate apartment, too. But I guess that would be bad parenting. Unfortunately, I still need to keep an eye on them.