Friday (Final) Stop on the Blog Tour for Getting #Married

Whew, it's Friday! And this week's virtual book tour has featured interviews all over the blogosphere. Today's interview about Getting #Married: Using Social Media to Celebrate the Sacred is on the New Media Project's blog. You can read it here.

Another set of great and different questions, including one about what benefits I'd hoped to gain by using social media so extensively. But my favorite question from these folks was this: "Did you use social media on your honeymoon, too?"

Read the interview to find out my answer!

Getting tired of the shameless self-promotion of my new book? Hang in there! Back to regular blogging -- whatever the h-e-double hockey stix that is -- next week. Just be grateful I'm not an NPR station bombarding you with pleas for money every 15 minutes!

Moving the Action for Wedding Week!

Temporarily moving this party

 to #3xCharm. 

You might not know this about me, but I seize every opportunity to make a point about the power and glory of online tech tools, especially social media. My wedding celebration with Dan is a case in point to make this point. Here's how:

We used Sendomatic  for many invitations and then Facebook (Event pages) and Twitter for follow-up. Many months ago, Dan (@RevWeb) came up with the idea of using this Twitter hashtag: #3xCharm. The analytics for the past 24 hours look like this:

Over the weekend, one of my dearest friends and healthcare social media colleagues, Ed Bennett (@EdBennett) met us at the cathedral to test the WiFi and give UStream a practice run.  (Note: We're streaming through the homily being delivered by another dear friend, Roman Catholic Deacon Jim Knipper (@jjknipper and vows, only. If you want to hear the final hymn, Holy God, We Praise Your Name, click here.)

We also set up #3xCharm where you'll be able to watch the wedding liturgy:

It's a temporary site we'll take down, along with FB Event pages, after our wedding...maybe during the honeymoon we're not taking? WhatEVER.  

In the midst of writing this post, Dan proofread the worship bulletin one more time, found a smudge on the printed cover page. "Chocolate?" he asked. "More likely blood."  The worship bulletin is now uploaded to Slideshare (aka, YouTube for documents and presentations). 

From The Duh Department: I love online tech and social media! 

Regular blogging will resume here the week of November 6.  

Wedding: The Gift of Prayer

Wedding: Today's Reality

 

Wedding: Gifts

Quite the conversation going on in our home(s) about wedding gifts. Actually, that's a semi-lie; it's not really a conversation. Mostly it's Dan looking pained and me looking perturbed because he looks so pained. I'm thinking this probably has more to do with him receiving because the man loves giving gifts.

Of course, we don't really need more stuff but I, for one, had no problem telling my dear friend from kindergarten (!) that I (on behalf of us) would love a gift certificate to a snazzy local restaurant. Call me delusional but I don't think it makes me greedy. A glutton? Maybe!

Truth to tell, neither of us is being fake-gracious when we tell people, "your presence is a present," but for those who feel so inclined, we'd be delighted if donations were made to:

http://www.catholicrelief.org/donate/

http://www.er-d.org/GiveNow/

Mozart has put in a request for fake mice or a donation to:

http://baltimoreanimalshelter.org/donating/donate.php

Wedding: Getting & Giving Good Reception

I was sent this image and all ordering information by a dear friend who has a "thing" -- to put it most generously -- about drinking high quality coffee. "I think you should get this for the reception."

Yeah, okay. I'll get right on it.

Never mind I'm already dealing with the fact that at least some goodies at the post-wedding coffee hour(s) must accommodate gluten allergies, lactose intolerance and diabetes plus sugar-free-but-no-artificial-sweeteners-allowed folks. Also vegetarians. If any vegans are attending, I do not want to know. Let them eat steak.

As for the coffee situation, there happens to be a St.Arbucks within easy walking distance* of the Cathedral of the Incarnation.

I'm thinking my dear friend should take everyone's coffee order during the Peace exchange ruckus, text it from her ever-present iPhone, and then zip out during verse two of Holy God, We Praise Your Name to pick it up in time for the reception. I'm sure the Cantor will want to help her.


* Easy if you are not wearing 4" heels.

Wedding: Reception Prep

Need to work on that pinky...

@RevWeb was raised Roman Catholic, started the Altar Boy thing (when they were boys only) at age five and went to Roman Catholic seminary for nearly two years. 

He left the Roman church ("but I'm still catholic") in 1990.

After a long, admirably successful career as a news producer, he decided to become an Episcopal priest. This career change required another stint in seminary to, and I quote directly from The Rev. Canon, "learn the Anglican tradition."

Why wasn't learning how to properly hold a proper teacup part of the core curriculum? Here's a picture from one of our home schooling sessions.

Wedding: Hairdo Won't

"I was thinking I'd go to CVS to find a blinged out banana clip."

Jen, the sweet young thing who cuts my hair had asked me what I was planning to do with my hair for the wedding. She looked pained at my response. "That was hurtful. You should let me blow it out," she said.

I trust Jen. Not only is she skilled and always stays in the delightful range of the perky spectrum, she has encouraged me to stop coloring my hair. I trust a hair stylist who doesn't succumb to cross-selling. She doesn't even try to sell me product, so I know she won't do anything goofy or so-not-moi with my hair.

Continuing the crowd-sourcing trend, I checked with several gal pals, all of whom voted to let Jen futz with my hair that morning.

Makes sense, but I'd have to show up at the salon around 9:30 AM, the liturgy begins at 2:00, and Jen says, "Don't run around getting all sweaty before the ceremony."

Maybe I could find a purple banana clip to go with my dress? Or, delegate the running around stuff.

H/T: Nag on the Lake for the hysterical historical pic

Wedding: Music Consultation

Our one and only meeting with the Canon for Music and Worship at the Cathedral of the Incarnation was nothing like this. Thanks be to God.

Wedding consultation

by: Tallis

Wedding: Name Tag! You're...Who?

Someone else is welcome to organize a business card drawing for our wedding reception (really a coffee hour) and supply the raffle prize. I'm currently contemplating name tags.

In the continuing spirit of crowd-sourcing decisions, I used social media to post a request for thoughts on the matter. Within seconds someone tweeted,

"I like the name tags idea at your wedding. Helps break the ice; perhaps set tone of inclusive celebration."  

That's what I thought.

Really, how many times do you walk into a wedding/bar mitzvah and get stuck talking only with people (read: family) you know?  How much time do you squander asking the person next to you, "Who is that?" How boring is it to start a conversation with, "Bride's side or groom's side?"*

I envision pre-printed name tags laid out (alphabetically by first name) on a table in the narthex (aka, lobby). The font would be large enough to read from an appropriate social distance, although being able to read it from the pulpit could come in handy. Maybe I should add Twitter handles? After all, a significant number of people know one another -- and met me! -- via Twitter.

Neither Dan nor I will be wearing name tags. If you don't recognize either the bride or the groom, you're probably at the wrong wedding.


* No sides at our wedding. Sit wherever and with whomever you'd like! I'll be sitting with Dan.

Wedding: Ix-Nay the Ehearsal-Ray

Want to make a Cathedral's Wedding Coordinator very happy? Be the couple who does not need a wedding rehearsal. We do not need a wedding rehearsal.

Such is the blessed reality of having no ushers, no bridesmaids, no groomsmen, no flower girl, no ring bearer, and no parents freaking out on the sidelines. Needless to say, the Wedding Coordinator at The Episcopal Cathedral of the Incarnation is very happy. So is our officiant.

We simply want to gather together friends and family to witness our marriage and celebrate Holy Eucharist.

Dan is a priest and former news producer. I've been a liturgical minister and conference organizer. We've both been previously married. I'm wearing flats.

What's to rehearse?

Wedding: The Two Apartment Solution

One of the FAQs I receive these days: "Will you be moving someplace else after you get married?" How I answer depends on who asks the question, but in a word, the answer is "no."

By the good humor of Almighty God, last year I managed to choose an apartment in a building right across the street from RevWeb's. Can't make this stuff up. Since the entire apartment procurement transaction took place online, I didn't realize this fine location until I showed up to sign the lease and pick up keys.

Fast forward many months and my across-the-hall neighbor moves out. Dan's lease is due for renewal. You know where this is going, right? 

Dan now lives across the hall, one thing that will remain blessedly unchanged after our wedding. Not only does this happen to be a surprisingly frugal arrangement, but it also serves our need for solitude and private contemplative time.  

All piety aside, separate apartments makes it easier for us to tolerate each other's behavioral quirks like my penchant for working between 11:00 PM and 3:00 AM, my visceral dislike for televised news and sports, my cleaning fits.  Dan works so-called normal hours and is a newshound.

I make no claim to coming up with this idea on my own. 

During the 1970s, I read an article written in 1923 by socialist feminist, Crystal Eastman titled, "Marriage Under Two Roofs." In it, Eastman describes how her crumbling marriage was restored to wholeness after her husband moved to an apartment. Made sense to me; even more so years later after trying the traditional option, which always ended up feeling like a hostage situation.

Married friends (female and male; young and old) laud me as a genius. Only my sister-by-choice Sharon has some concerns, "I hope this doesn't catch on, you'll put us out of business." She's a divorce attorney.

Wedding: Magi Check Out the Venue

The Magi realize that they*

will be dressed appropriately.

* The bride would like to wear black leggings and ballet flats with whatever dress makes the cut.

Wedding: Crowd-Sourcing the Dress

On my wedding day...what to wear?

White? Don't be ridiculous.

Black? No one will let me, even though I look and feel fabulous in black.

The klutz factor rules out wearing a long gown. My personal desire to be frum in church means at least 3/4-length sleeves. I refuse to wear anything that requires being strangled to near-death by what was once called a girdle but is now called "shapewear."

I also don't want to waste time schlepping through stores, so this weekend I went shopping online. Of course I didn't buy anything. Since I'm quasi-incapable of doing something like this without input, a group of trusted gal pals, one male friend, and Dan received links to dresses I thought I liked.

(Ever the social scientist, I sent out the email with blind copies so as not to taint the sample. Some of them know one another and are also on Twitter.)

The results? A clear preference for one of the dresses with a couple of friends adding most graciously, "You'd look gorgeous in either."

I ended up ordering the dress that landed the most votes, which also happened to be the one I like the best...for now.

Wedding: Bridezilla

Oh, dear God in heaven, three months until our wedding and I'm turning into Bridezilla -- in my own special way.

Am I getting nuts about the flowers, dress, shoes, or food? No, I am not. I'm becoming a crazy person over . . . the liturgy. Last night's   mini-meltdown was over service music. I truly have absolutely no reason to be surprised by this.

After all, I can play five instruments (badly) and read music (well). My participation in music ministry has included singing in the choir (relatively well). One season with the Westminster (Choir College) Community chorus.

I was raised by classical music snobs who also managed to download Gilbert & Sullivan operettas plus decades of musical theater into my developing skull mush. I was schlepped to Leonard Bernstein's and Thomas Schippers' Young People's Concerts during the late 1950s and early 1960s. With cred like this, who wouldn't be a wreck over the music program for her wedding?

Good news: none of this is being inflicted upon some poor music director. Instead, it's just me and Dan, he with the Episcopal church's 1982 Hymnal on his lap; me with a 2009 edition of Breaking Bread on mine. And conversations that include me asking, with an edge of hysteria in my speaking voice, "What do you mean Episcopalians don't usually have cantors?"

Ah, pre-wedded bliss: an evening sorting through hymns, anthems, and psalm settings. Not like our wedding will include karaoke, but I really want stuff I already know.

This Magnificent Hymn Has Already Made the Cut

Wedding: Marriage Prep Re-Visioned

Wedding: Ring Thing

Did I want an engagement ring? No, I absolutely did not. Waste of money. Outward visible sign of impending servitude. Am I referring to this engagement for this marriage? No, I am not.

That scenario, hauled out of the memory banks, is from my first marriage. That would be the marriage I had while also teaching Sociology of the Family, Women and Men in Society, Sexuality and Society, and Social Theory in a Sociology department, as well as a fine course on Rabble Rousing 101 over at Women's Studies. Ah, fond memories of stomping up 6th Avenue (NYC), fist-in-air, chanting, "Two, four, six, eight...smash the family, church and state."

If God could throw a holy lung laughing, God is throwing a holy lung laughing as I now prepare to marry an Episcopal priest. And wear an engagement ring that was once his mother's.

Oh wait...it gets even more preciously ironic. I was moved to tears when Dan asked if I would "be okay with" wearing his mother's engagement ring.

Now, lest you think I've gone completely off the rails, I will mention that I did take the engagement ring to my jeweler to have the stone lowered ("it's too prongy") and sized. By the 21st century, I realized that I could retain several cherished political views and have a diamond ring. Another revelation: I could buy my own diamond ring, which is exactly what I did to celebrate my 50th birthday and at five year intervals thereafter.

Sometimes I stack my engagement ring on top of the other bling, but often I do not. I like looking at it solo on my left ring finger and not because it's so pretty -- which it certainly is -- but because of what it symbolizes.

It's 2011 and at this point in my life, this engagement ring serves as an outward visible sign of our commitment to enter into the sacrament of holy matrimony. No shortage of mystery and miracle in my life, that's for sure.

Wedding: A Sign?!?

Being Catholic, I notice and am responsive to signs and symbols. Heck, I notice and respond to signs and symbols that are neither signs nor symbols. 

Today was supposed to be our first marriage prep session. @RevWeb dropped by circa lunch to pick up copies of our respective divorce decrees. 

We must provide copies of these documents to prove that we're free to marry. I added two annulment decrees to the pile being schlepped to the diocese.

Not even an hour later, my beloved called to say a funeral running into overtime (a concept I always find amusing) has meant postponing our session.

Sign? Symbol?? Omen???

Wedding: Marriage Prep Begins

We begin our first of six marriage prep sessions this Wednesday and I think I'd rather be playing pinochle with the ladies. Despite my enthusiastic burbling about the psych-spiritual value of this pre-marital inquiry, I have a list of topics that are none of the church's beeswax. 

Like what? NYBW, either.

It's stuff I'll be discussing with my fiancé, @RevWeb who, before he became an Episcopal priest, was a quasi-normal human being. Just the other day I said, "You know I'm not the least bit impressed with the fact that you're a priest, right?"  He got a big delighted and relieved grin on this face, thus underscoring yet another reason I love this guy.

RevWeb thinks we'll be talking about our individual and shared theology of marriage during these sessions. Really? Uh...okay, but haven't we already discussed that entre nous? We have to trot it out for ecclesial review?

Fine.

May as well go completely public with mine:

1. Hierarchy of Attention: God, me, you.  Unless I stay focused on God, there ain't no "me" worth marrying. Unless I stay true to me, I cannot fully love, honor, and cherish you.
2. Keep the Miracle at Cana Reversed: No matter what the circumstances, commit to drinking filthy foot-washing water if necessary. Marriage cannot thrive if anyone is drunk on wine or other alcoholic potables.
3. Micah 6:8: Act justly, love tenderly and walk humbly with God.

Can hardly wait to discuss the liturgy. I understand that's on the agenda for the sixth and final session. Maybe we'll get to fast forward  sooner rather than later?