Hoping to Become a Sports Legend

The sybaritic thrill of schlepping stuff to the curb for recycling and trash pick-up is nothing when compared to the thrill of readying my home for sale.* Getting everything good-to-show is right up there with striking the set in between liturgical seasons, something that has amused friends for years. (Note: I'm not mentioning names, Barb.)

Plus, there's the frisson of fun I always feel when cleaning is involved. Does anyone not know that I consider vacuuming relaxing as well as invigorating? I love cleaning ─ the logistical challenges, the physicality, the winning results.

I emphasize "winning" because I tend to view cleaning and even mere tidying up as a competitive sport, which is why last year I stood on my dining room table to vacuum spider spinnings off the ceiling.

So what if I pitched backward and am now down a chair that matches the table? Truth to tell, I was a bit hurt ─ not at all by the fall but by comments about how I should have either used gadgets or called someone to "spot" me during this event. (Note: I'm not mentioning names, Barb.)

Gadgets? Are you kidding? As far as I'm concerned, this is akin to any other form of sports "doping."

Dear readers, if you're not in good enough shape to do a back flip off a dining room table while cleaning without getting hurt, you have no business being up there in the first place.

*The answer to the question: Baltimore.